Guest Post: Nothing!!

Posted By: Adam 4 Comments
This weeks guest-posts are all brought to you courtesy of my Dad.
How often does a parent catch their kids doing something wrong but it's just so totally unexpected and so damn funny we can't bring ourselves to follow our own rules and allow the law of retribution be tossed aside? Not very often ? but it does happen. Adam was young, maybe in 1st or 2nd grade this particular time. It wasn't the first time or the last, but it was probably the one time I just couldn't stop laughing out loud. It wasn't very late at night but still well past the kids' bedtime. Kitty and I were sitting in the living room watching TV or talking (I don't remember that part). We heard something in the next room so I called out "who's in the kitchen?" Adam answered that it was just him. I could have said anything, like "go back to bed" but for some unexplained reason I asked what he was doing. His answer, "nothing" wasn't very reassuring. Why would Adam get up more than an hour after he had gone to bed and come into the kitchen to do "nothing?" I asked Adam to come into the living room but he didn't want to, instead saying he was just heading back to bed. Naturally I told him to wait and Kitty and I went into the kitchen to investigate. My son, who I love very much and always thought was an extremely smart kid, was standing there in his underwear looking almost panicky. It must also be noted for the record that Adam was wearing briefs and they were probably Thunder Cats, Voltron, or some other designer undies ? but that they weren't boxers. That's an important point. It took me a second to see how distressed he looked and I realized his underwear had a huge bulge in the front. We're taking about a bulge of enormous, massive proportion! And while some fathers might take pride in this and be thinking "that's my boy!", in this instance that wasn't exactly appropriate. Sticking out the top of his briefs was the top of several large chocolate chip cookies. They were also sticking out both sides, nearly as big around as his small legs. My son was packing something close to a dozen cookies in his shorts and wanted desperately to make a clean get-away. The cookie crumbs made the "clean" get-away impossible, and in good consciousness I couldn't let him just finish what he started. "What's in your pants?" "Nothing" "Nothing? Are you sure you don't have a bunch of cookies in there?" "Uhh, yeah." "What are you going to do with those cookies?" "Nothing" "Really! Weren't you planning to sneak them into your room and eat them?" "Uhh, yeah." At this point I'm trying hard not to laugh, but it was too late. The sight of Adam holding a dozen cookies (without using his hands) was too much. I think I asked Kitty to take over. I don't really remember the details after that. Adam didn't get to take the cookies back to his room, and I'm pretty sure they made it into the trash. At least I really, really hope that's where they ended up ? because I like chocolate chip cookies too.

4 responses to “Guest Post: Nothing!!”

  1. Is that a cookie in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

    I LOVE hearing embarrassing stories about other people... and can't wait to be in your Dad's position with my OWN kids. Beware David and Cora!

    Ed

    Ed ~ Aug 4, 2008 at 9:56 PM

  2. It begs to wonder if Adam proof-read any of these guest post's before setting them up for auto-posting. But no matter how (in)frequently i hear this story its hilarious every time!

    justinT

    justinT ~ Aug 4, 2008 at 9:56 PM

  3. OMG, thats the funniest thing i've heard. I needed a good laugh, one so hard i'm now it tears. I have a 5 year old son that wears underwear like that i can picture him doing the same thing.

    Dianne

    Dianne ~ Aug 4, 2008 at 9:56 PM

  4. I did proofread for grammar and clarity (and for a laugh) but not for content. I enjoy a good laugh too. :)

    Adam

    Adam ~ Aug 4, 2008 at 9:56 PM